


You Owe Me Hate Sex

by TellMeNoAgain



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Drabble, Gen, just for fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellMeNoAgain/pseuds/TellMeNoAgain
Summary: Just a little eavesdropping on the comms during an Avengers mission, that's all.  :)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49





	You Owe Me Hate Sex

**Author's Note:**

> Not really beta-worthy, is it, just a little something for fun, to tide you over while I'm sick and can't concentrate on my AUs. Enjoy!

"We could be having _the best_ hate sex right now," complained Tony, glaring at Steve.

"We could," agreed Steve absently, straining to push the heavy rock from the entryway. It jiggled, dirt falling to the floor around it.

"You absolutely could _not,"_ stated Fury, angrily. "You're on comms. And a timeline. And a _mission!"_

"Two of those three things are on pause while we're trapped in this cave," Tony pointed out, bouncing a little on his toes. "And the third thing is easily addressed."

"No, stay on comms for that," said Clint through obviously clenched teeth, the sound of explosions in the background of his voice.

"Mission's still on, Mr. Stark," said Peter brightly. "And, uh, no, Clint's wrong. Definitely do not make me listen to that."

"I think that's actually illegal, making the kid listen to that," interjected Sam, his voice sounding strained. Tony's fingers twitched to _do something_ besides just stand here, a multi-billion dollar glow-light.

"Little help?" grunted Steve. "Tony, can you- to the left- one pulse?"

Tony surged forward, "Yes, I can, I absolutely can. JARVIS?"

"Calculating, sir. 63% certainty of success at this angle, sir," stated the AI.

"Should wait until it's about 6% higher," snorted Bruce.

"Bruce, don't stoop to their level," chided Nat breathlessly.

Tony took a breath- sweet sweet oxygen, he was wasting sweet sweet oxygen, in a _cave,_ for fuck's sake, and Jesus, if that wasn't hitting every single one of his triggers and he'd schedule in a nice breakdown just as soon as they'd taken down the baddies, he really would- and lifted his arm.

"You owe me hate sex," he told Steve, and let the repulsor blast punctuate his statement.

The air filled with dust, first, dust and dirt and rubble, and then, as the rock moved, light and more sweet sweet oxygen. 

_Yeah, fuck this cave, and this entire mission,_ thought Tony.

Tony grabbed Steve around the waist and boosted them up- up and _away._ He sure hoped Steve had managed to grab his shield because Tony _wasn't fucking going back._

"Mission and timeline are back to being considerations for that hate sex, Iron Man," said Steve, as Tony dropped him back into the fray. "Have to give you a rain check, sad to say."

"Ewwww," whined Peter, flipping wildly around the entire scene, webbing everything that moved, from what Tony could guess. "Could you _not?!_ On open comms?!"

"Don't listen to the kid," grunted Clint, "Oh! Thanks, Cap! Kid doesn't know what's good for the team."

"Less chatter, more badguy splatter," grunted Bucky.

"Agreed, Agent Barnes," intoned Fury. "I hate to remind you all that _per the Accords that Tony helped to write_ this is being streamed to the Ready Room. Live."

"I didn't write that part," Tony said helpfully into the silence. "I would _never_ violate your personal privacy in such an invasive-"

"Hello, Mr. President," gasped Peter. "I, uh, didn't vote for you, because, uh- ouch!- I can't vote yet, but thanks for-"

"Less chatter," said Steve firmly. (“Oh thank God,” could be heard in a whisper from multiple comms although later everyone denied saying it and JARVIS refused to identify each whisper) "Headed inside in 3. 2. 1."

Several things exploded behind them and Tony grinned. Always nice to make that dramatic entrance, and he loved when he got to be last man in because Nat _always_ posed so _enthusiastically_ in front of the flames.

**Author's Note:**

> See? Fun and fluffy! Hope you liked it!


End file.
